There is a great difference between knowing and understanding; you can know a lot about something and not really understand it. - Charles F. Kettering
I don't know a less blunt way to say it, so I suppose the only course of action is to simply do so: I don't like 'getting to know' people. It's awkward, uncomfortable, and downright annoying most of the time.
What's your name? What's your major? What kind of job do you want? What are your hobbies?
It's possible that those questions might elicit interesting answers, but I doubt it. That's the gist of our culture, though. 'Networking' is all the rage. It's all about who one might know, who might have bummed a cigarette or a pencil from who back during sophomore year, or who went to graduate school with who. Fantastic - let me know how that works out for all of you. As far as myself, I hate the foundational ideals that brought such a convoluted system of 'knowing people' into existence.
Somehow, some way, a large chasm has appeared to separate the ideas of 'knowing someone' and 'understanding someone.' When I say I don't like 'getting to know people' I don't mean that I'm an anti-social writer that shrugs off human contact in order to prevent further disappointment (though it might be true). What I mean is that I find it useless, awkward, and utterly unsatisfying. I prefer to understand other people on a deeper level, and simply because I'm actually interested.
One of my favorite types of gatherings is the famous 'coffee outing' and prefer it to be done during an off period of the day (if such a thing exists at Starbucks these days). It's not as simple as it sounds - I promise. I like coffee, I like the atmosphere, and I like to talk. Lots of people do. My main reason, though, for my advocacy of coffee shop talks is that the person with whom I'm meeting should now have a blatantly obvious clue that I want to talk.
The problem with the 'networking' mindset is that it's easy to miss out on a genuine connection with another human being because we're too caught up crossing the "T's" and dotting the "I's" of societal politeness and introduction.
Don't ask any personal questions. We wouldn't want to offend anyone.
What if someone asks me a personal question? That would be uncomfortable.
My God, if people knew what went on in my head, they'd think I was weird.
I don't want to come off as undesirable.
So ... as a culture, we've got a rule for that. Keep it simple and polite, pretend you're interested, appear busy, and move on after you've checked off the items on the 'social politeness' list. Your obligations are fulfilled. Next!
Not only is it an unsatisfying way to live but, upon further consideration, rather selfish. I can't count the number of Christians that I have shrugged off over the years because of their strict adherence to the social checklist. It drives me up the wall. Here's Jesus Christ who spends time with tax collectors, sinners, and all kinds of undesirables, and these Christians want to check something off a list so they feel better.
To put it into a bit more perspective, I'll even go (oh no, he isn't going to ...) personal here. I have a friend that I've known for many years. This individual is a rather busy person, which is quite understandable. We live in a busy, fast-paced society. It's always "move it or lose it", or something like that. The problem I have is that, because of the way we're taught by society, she only calls when she needs something. At this point, the almighty checklist appears.
How's life? How's the family? How's the love life? How's school? How's work?
Oh, that's great ... so ... is there any way you could help me with something?
As soon as the questions start flowing out, I know what's going on. It's something that infuriates me. I don't truly believe she's out to be that way; I think she has good intentions. She's just self-absorbed. That infuriates me, but I don't pick her out as a target. It's just the way things have developed. Americans are a bunch of selfish, busy people. No wonder we're all on anti-depressants. I'm also not surprised, considering all of this, that we find it easier to spend time on Facebook or Twitter, checking up on people, than taking the time to actually understand them.
If I thought I could change the culture, I'd do it. Alas, I'm only one man with a computer. What I attempt to do as one man is understand the people around me - really understand them. I figure that eventually it's bound to catch on. There are things in our hearts and souls that are desperate to be seen, cherished and loved, but we push them down and continue on with our social checklists so we don't have to fear rejection or miss out on something else because we're so insanely busy. I'm convinced that when we find others with whom we can 'let go' healing happens. I consider true understanding the balm of the heart and soul. Try it sometime.
What's your name? What's your major? What kind of job do you want? What are your hobbies?
It's possible that those questions might elicit interesting answers, but I doubt it. That's the gist of our culture, though. 'Networking' is all the rage. It's all about who one might know, who might have bummed a cigarette or a pencil from who back during sophomore year, or who went to graduate school with who. Fantastic - let me know how that works out for all of you. As far as myself, I hate the foundational ideals that brought such a convoluted system of 'knowing people' into existence.
Somehow, some way, a large chasm has appeared to separate the ideas of 'knowing someone' and 'understanding someone.' When I say I don't like 'getting to know people' I don't mean that I'm an anti-social writer that shrugs off human contact in order to prevent further disappointment (though it might be true). What I mean is that I find it useless, awkward, and utterly unsatisfying. I prefer to understand other people on a deeper level, and simply because I'm actually interested.
One of my favorite types of gatherings is the famous 'coffee outing' and prefer it to be done during an off period of the day (if such a thing exists at Starbucks these days). It's not as simple as it sounds - I promise. I like coffee, I like the atmosphere, and I like to talk. Lots of people do. My main reason, though, for my advocacy of coffee shop talks is that the person with whom I'm meeting should now have a blatantly obvious clue that I want to talk.
The problem with the 'networking' mindset is that it's easy to miss out on a genuine connection with another human being because we're too caught up crossing the "T's" and dotting the "I's" of societal politeness and introduction.
Don't ask any personal questions. We wouldn't want to offend anyone.
What if someone asks me a personal question? That would be uncomfortable.
My God, if people knew what went on in my head, they'd think I was weird.
I don't want to come off as undesirable.
So ... as a culture, we've got a rule for that. Keep it simple and polite, pretend you're interested, appear busy, and move on after you've checked off the items on the 'social politeness' list. Your obligations are fulfilled. Next!
Not only is it an unsatisfying way to live but, upon further consideration, rather selfish. I can't count the number of Christians that I have shrugged off over the years because of their strict adherence to the social checklist. It drives me up the wall. Here's Jesus Christ who spends time with tax collectors, sinners, and all kinds of undesirables, and these Christians want to check something off a list so they feel better.
To put it into a bit more perspective, I'll even go (oh no, he isn't going to ...) personal here. I have a friend that I've known for many years. This individual is a rather busy person, which is quite understandable. We live in a busy, fast-paced society. It's always "move it or lose it", or something like that. The problem I have is that, because of the way we're taught by society, she only calls when she needs something. At this point, the almighty checklist appears.
How's life? How's the family? How's the love life? How's school? How's work?
Oh, that's great ... so ... is there any way you could help me with something?
As soon as the questions start flowing out, I know what's going on. It's something that infuriates me. I don't truly believe she's out to be that way; I think she has good intentions. She's just self-absorbed. That infuriates me, but I don't pick her out as a target. It's just the way things have developed. Americans are a bunch of selfish, busy people. No wonder we're all on anti-depressants. I'm also not surprised, considering all of this, that we find it easier to spend time on Facebook or Twitter, checking up on people, than taking the time to actually understand them.
If I thought I could change the culture, I'd do it. Alas, I'm only one man with a computer. What I attempt to do as one man is understand the people around me - really understand them. I figure that eventually it's bound to catch on. There are things in our hearts and souls that are desperate to be seen, cherished and loved, but we push them down and continue on with our social checklists so we don't have to fear rejection or miss out on something else because we're so insanely busy. I'm convinced that when we find others with whom we can 'let go' healing happens. I consider true understanding the balm of the heart and soul. Try it sometime.
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