A Christmas Reflection

Anyone who’s been around me during any holiday quickly comes to know that I’m no supporter of any type of tradition. It’s pretty obvious when my mother refers to me as “Scrooge” that something might just be off a bit. The name that I am (jokingly) called is rather inaccurate. I don’t love money or horde things – I just don’t like pointless special occasions.

In the past Christmas has been a miserable affair: the family opens presents, everyone oh’s and ah’s over the items, and then everyone goes their own ways. It’s rather anti-climatic, to be completely honest. Yes, there’s some rhetoric thrown in about Jesus and Mary and Joseph and such at random intervals, but that doesn’t really constitute meaning to me.

I’m reaching out to find a more meaningful way of expressing myself this Christmas. So far I’ve planned better presents than ever, that have some kind of meaning, and that will mean I have to spend time with other people as well. I’m tired of opening up a bunch of presents and then spending the rest of the day by myself.

Forever

Anyone else ever wish they knew back then what they know now?

It seems like the more I learn about my condition the more aggravated I am about the unfortunate circumstances in which I’ve been in the past. I feel like if I could go back, that I would do so many things differently. The problem with that premise is that one would then have to assume that I don’t like myself, which is untrue.

I’ve truly come to enjoy the person that I am through all the hardship I’ve experienced in the past year and I wouldn’t change that. Why, then, does the past sometimes keep me awake at night? Often times I’ll lie awake wondering what it would have been like if such and such had gone differently. It's counterproductive to do so, and I do so less than I used to – but there are still those nights that I cannot sleep because my thoughts keep drifting to less pleasant times.

The past shouldn’t last forever; I need to make sure I don’t let it.

It’s Been A While

So, it’s been a while since I had last written anything because of the craziness that suddenly consumed the randomness known as my life. I’ve been to what seems like way too many doctors, fought too many side effects from medication, reclaimed lost friendships, became closer to people with whom I never got along beforehand, and oh so much more.

I’ve heard it a million times, but you never really believe that illness can be a blessing until you experience it. By all means, it’s not anything I would want or ever ask for again, but the entire experience is changing me – in a good way. I never would have thought that it was possible, but anyone who’s been around me lately just knows.

My primary doctor for managing everything is very pleased. After hearing from my mother about my progress, she’s said that I have “a 99.99% chance” of managing everything and living a perfectly normal life. That’s not the typical prognosis and never did I expect to hear that from such a brilliant doctor when describing the recovery chances for someone like me. Simply amazing is what I’d call it.

This has been a short post (for me), but I’ve got to get ready for lunch and getting out. It’s been a long time since I was comfortable enough to go out often and do things, but that’s changing. Praise God for that.

It's the New Style

I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. - Frances Moore

What do you do for a living? What kinda car do you drive? What neighborhood do you live in?

Are you single? Married? Engaged? Is it serious?

How much money do you make? What do you want to accomplish with your life?

What church to you go to? What's your favorite place to buy clothes?

What's your style?

Who in the world are you? Society tells us that the answers to the above questions tell you a lot about yourself or someone else. We've got expectations, gosh darn it, and you'd better meet them if you're gonna be with us. Every day it's the same old story. A sorority girl spends hours in front of the mirror to make sure she's meeting the expectations and every day loses more of herself in the doing. Some dude chills by himself on a bench around campus cause he doesn't drink it up, smoke it up or sex it up like everybody else. An intellectual kid sits in his philosophy class and pretends to agree with the rampant liberalism around him while he's rebelling inside, but he's gotta meet the standards.

It's the new style.

Conformism is all the rage. I already know with a certainty that some people who will read this are going to be bristling at that last statement. Hear me out before you start telling me that you don't conform, because it's a bunch of crap. We all conform, more than we realize, and it's a problem that is reflected in our culture's identity crisis. The girl that reps the Abercrombie, American Eagle and Aeropostale brands is no more of a conformist than the chick that throws down in the mosh pit with tattoos and gauges. Commercialization is a wonderful thing: it's almost impossible to be any kind of anti-conformist without conforming to anti-conformity. Did you catch that, or do I need to slow down?

How about this: If we rely on our clothes, cars, jobs, money, and things to define who we are, anti-conformity and counterculture are both impossible to achieve.

To be honest, I'm rather disgusted with the whole thing myself. I can't walk on campus without having at least one or two nauseating moments because I've come to realize that everybody is just doing whatever they think is going to make them special, different, satisfied, or whatever. Some people chase sex. Some people chase drugs. Some people hit the bars and clubs. Others depend on their intellectual superiority. A lot look to their, ironically, looks and clothes to be noticed.

"Man, they swear they so gangster, everyone the same, everybody do the same stuff: tattoos, piercings, smoking up and drinking, money, sex, plus them extravagant weekends. Man, if that's the high life, I'm gonna puff, puff past that." - Lecrae, "Rebel"

Quit looking to all of this trash to tell you who you are, who you should be, and who the heck you're supposed to associate with. Stop thinking you're going to find satisfaction by having someone new in your bed every night. Cease and desist, if you please. It won't do you or anyone else any good. The only thing it leads to is destruction of identity. You might physically survive the experience, but it is going to be emotionally and spiritually painful when one day you wake up, look around, and realize everything you've done is absolutely meaningless.

Don't believe me? Wait a few years. Keep doing what you're doing. I won't be there to say, "I told you so." You'll find me in my room, reading your confused Facebook status or Twitter update, letting the tears run down my face. There's nothing I can do or say to stop some of you from wasting your lives. I've wasted enough of mine trying to fit in so I might not be left standing alone after the dust of a situation settles. The toughest part is looking back and saying to yourself, "What a waste all of this has been. Where did I go wrong?"

The answer, of course, is quite simple: We've lost our identities amidst the distractions and shiny objects of our culture and society.

It's rather easy to get distracted. We've got new televisions, cars, cellphones, computers, clothes, shoes, jewelry, and whatever else to keep us busy - too busy to realize we're being completely and utterly manipulated into a life of worthlessness. We're too busy to make real connections with other people. We're too engaged with our stuff and our own egos to look around and say, "Hey ... There's some dude over there that might be kinda cool." No one looks hard enough into the soul of another human being anymore. And, perhaps the worst offense, is that we don't spend enough time looking into our own souls to realize the monsters we've become.

It's quite true. We're a bunch of civilized, cultured, monsters that disregard the hearts, minds and souls of others so we can keep our shiny new toys or keep chasing after our fix: whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, money, materialism, whatever. Yeah, it doesn't matter who we destroy as long as we keep on getting what we think we need to define ourselves and find satisfaction. It disgusts me.

Skillet - "Monster"

The Death of Understanding

There is a great difference between knowing and understanding; you can know a lot about something and not really understand it. - Charles F. Kettering

I don't know a less blunt way to say it, so I suppose the only course of action is to simply do so: I don't like 'getting to know' people. It's awkward, uncomfortable, and downright annoying most of the time.

What's your name? What's your major? What kind of job do you want? What are your hobbies?

It's possible that those questions might elicit interesting answers, but I doubt it. That's the gist of our culture, though. 'Networking' is all the rage. It's all about who one might know, who might have bummed a cigarette or a pencil from who back during sophomore year, or who went to graduate school with who. Fantastic - let me know how that works out for all of you. As far as myself, I hate the foundational ideals that brought such a convoluted system of 'knowing people' into existence.

Somehow, some way, a large chasm has appeared to separate the ideas of 'knowing someone' and 'understanding someone.' When I say I don't like 'getting to know people' I don't mean that I'm an anti-social writer that shrugs off human contact in order to prevent further disappointment (though it might be true). What I mean is that I find it useless, awkward, and utterly unsatisfying. I prefer to understand other people on a deeper level, and simply because I'm actually interested.

One of my favorite types of gatherings is the famous 'coffee outing' and prefer it to be done during an off period of the day (if such a thing exists at Starbucks these days). It's not as simple as it sounds - I promise. I like coffee, I like the atmosphere, and I like to talk. Lots of people do. My main reason, though, for my advocacy of coffee shop talks is that the person with whom I'm meeting should now have a blatantly obvious clue that I want to talk.

The problem with the 'networking' mindset is that it's easy to miss out on a genuine connection with another human being because we're too caught up crossing the "T's" and dotting the "I's" of societal politeness and introduction.

Don't ask any personal questions. We wouldn't want to offend anyone.
What if someone asks me a personal question? That would be uncomfortable.
My God, if people knew what went on in my head, they'd think I was weird.
I don't want to come off as undesirable.

So ... as a culture, we've got a rule for that. Keep it simple and polite, pretend you're interested, appear busy, and move on after you've checked off the items on the 'social politeness' list. Your obligations are fulfilled. Next!

Not only is it an unsatisfying way to live but, upon further consideration, rather selfish. I can't count the number of Christians that I have shrugged off over the years because of their strict adherence to the social checklist. It drives me up the wall. Here's Jesus Christ who spends time with tax collectors, sinners, and all kinds of undesirables, and these Christians want to check something off a list so they feel better.

To put it into a bit more perspective, I'll even go (oh no, he isn't going to ...) personal here. I have a friend that I've known for many years. This individual is a rather busy person, which is quite understandable. We live in a busy, fast-paced society. It's always "move it or lose it", or something like that. The problem I have is that, because of the way we're taught by society, she only calls when she needs something. At this point, the almighty checklist appears.

How's life? How's the family? How's the love life? How's school? How's work?

Oh, that's great ... so ... is there any way you could help me with something?

As soon as the questions start flowing out, I know what's going on. It's something that infuriates me. I don't truly believe she's out to be that way; I think she has good intentions. She's just self-absorbed. That infuriates me, but I don't pick her out as a target. It's just the way things have developed. Americans are a bunch of selfish, busy people. No wonder we're all on anti-depressants. I'm also not surprised, considering all of this, that we find it easier to spend time on Facebook or Twitter, checking up on people, than taking the time to actually understand them.

If I thought I could change the culture, I'd do it. Alas, I'm only one man with a computer. What I attempt to do as one man is understand the people around me - really understand them. I figure that eventually it's bound to catch on. There are things in our hearts and souls that are desperate to be seen, cherished and loved, but we push them down and continue on with our social checklists so we don't have to fear rejection or miss out on something else because we're so insanely busy. I'm convinced that when we find others with whom we can 'let go' healing happens. I consider true understanding the balm of the heart and soul. Try it sometime.

This – Is – War

There is a mean, violent streak to the true Christian life. – John Piper

 

I’ve spent a lot of time sorting out my own thoughts and feelings over the past few weeks. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that I have not been laying in a patch of daisies surrounded by rays of sunshine. Numerous issues have nagged at my mind each night as I’ve sat on my couch all night, searching for the answers that I worry may never come.

The inner turmoil that surrounds me seems to come from seemingly incompatible feelings, thoughts, and passions. Much of that came to a head last night as I stood in the back of a youth service at Vertical (sponsored by a local church) and heard the pastor speak from his heart about the very issues with which I’ve been mentally wrestling. I have been writing and speaking for several years on the very issues that Pastor Porter addressed with his youth last night, and so while I agreed fervently with the topic of discussion, it was not this that spoke to my soul.

 

I would not describe myself as an angry person, but I have strong feelings of hate for many things. I have struggled desperately for some way to erase the anger and hate that I feel for fake people, legalists, the corrupt, the bystanders, and the false teachers that use and pervert the Gospel of Christ for personal gain. I loathe the control exerted by religion. I despise the tactics used by religious leaders to control and oppress the needy and hurting people seeking freedom in Christ. I cannot and will not condone any religion that distorts God’s words and directives for its own benefit.

Christ died to bring us freedom: from religion, from worldly desires, from sin, from oppression, from hopelessness, from meaningless lifestyles, from materialism, and from ourselves. Religion is not what saves anyone! I’m disgusted as I walk around my university campus and watch everyone walk by with blank expressions, talking on their phones, listening to their iPods, and ignoring the world around them. Christians may very well be the worst. Followers of Christ are called to reach out to the hurting, the lonely, the despairing, the hopeless, the needy, the tired, the sick, the fearful, and those dying a spiritual death. I cannot name a group of Christians that take off the masks of society and refuse to be useless observers of suffering in the world in which we live.

We are called to rebellion against this culture, this world, and religion. Christians are anointed Saints by Christ and it’s time to live like it. The problem that I see is that our Christian culture has created false impressions of what a servant of Christ appears to be. Fasting, praying, ethereal-like creatures that never utter a wrong word and speak brilliant, wise words at all times. Men and women who never have a hair out of place, dress perfectly, and read all the right books, spend days at a time scouring scripture, and are entirely dull and boring. I’m pained by this false portrayal of Christ and those He uses to make a difference in this life. I say it again: we are called to rebel against this world and a religion that focuses on man and to live as a counterculture that throws the man-made rituals, oppression, greed, indifference, apathy and conformist ideals into a trash bin and set fire to all of it.

Every single one of us is in a war that is abstract. It is difficult to understand because we cannot see it, touch it, taste it, or smell it. When you and I wake up each morning, we have a choice: give in to a culture that tells us that we need to dress the coolest, have the right computer, seek out fame, throw others under the bus for our own gain, and ignore the plight of those who are alone, hurting, and suffering … or we can choose to not waste our lives. We can realize that every day is an opportunity given for one reason, and that is to follow the path of Christ and truly, deeply love others while we hate what hurts others. I can now reconcile my anger and hatred with the love and affection I feel for those who are suffering.

Will you choose to waste your life, chase the lie known as the “American Dream,” and never impact others as we are called to do? I truly hope not. There is a purpose for each of us and it’s not just a calling within a church, to make a lot of money, or to be the next big thing. Don’t waste your life. Don’t walk by someone at your job, on your campus, or on the street that needs somebody to care. Don’t let the culture define you and those around you. Don’t let apathy destroy those we are called to love.

Please … don’t waste your life.

The Infiltration

Most Christians I know believe that Satan has a hand in scandal and failure within the Church and society. I'm quite sure that the Evil One expresses great glee at the demise of preachers, teachers, and 'Christians.' What I'm not so sure about is two-fold: 1. The awareness within the Church of what is happening and 2. The methods the Church uses to thwart Satan's schemes in the context of Spiritual Warfare.

I don't think many would be bold enough to say it, but I consider myself an exile from the Christian Church and so I have no qualms about expressing what is true. Satan has infiltrated churches and denominations across the United States in such a fashion that few, if any, individuals realize that it has happened.

"Wait ... are you sure? Isn't that a big extreme? That seems crazy."

Let me introduce you to crazy: Preachers are more concerned with finances and numbers than the truthfulness of what they speak from the pulpit. Congregations speak in "tongues" without anyone to interpret, which is a slap in the face to New Testament scripture. Those with the gift of prophecy are persecuted by the Church because of modern Christianity's disdain for truth and conviction. Churchgoers raise their hands and cry out to God during 'worship services,' but nothing changes in how they live their lives, treat others, or impact the world. Start up churches water down the Bible and preach it out of context to become 'culturally relevant.'

That's the short version of 'problems.' These issues are widespread and prevalant. These are not isolated cases. A false 'gospel' has spread like wildfire, perpetrated by false teachers and lying 'prophets.' They say that if you obey God's laws and just "do your best" and "ask for forgiveness" then you won't have any problems. You'll get a good job, make lots of money, have a wonderful marriage, be famous, do great things, etc.

That's a bunch of crap. No one who did anything worth noting for Christ has lived the American Dream. Christianity has now become nothing but the justification for, to steal a line from John Piper, "this Disneyland mentality." It's called the Prosperity Gospel. "Give it to God, and your mental illness will go away." "Give your money to us, let us pray, and your physical body will be healed." What a pit of vipers our religious leaders have become.

None of it is true. God rarely acts in such a manner, and for good reason. Did Christ not tell us that if we followed Him, we would suffer with Him? Scripture has been forgotten. The words of Christ are perverted to justify the greed, lust, and empire-building of the elite at the expense of the poor and needy. What's pathetic is that I believe strongly that many Christians are really seeking God. How can they find Him, though? The most serious charge I level at the leaders of the 'Christian Community' is that they are sending others strait to hell in a hand basket because of their own depravity.

This is what I mean when I say that Satan has efficiently and quietly infiltrated our Churches. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all. I propose a different way to live the Christian life. I fervently pray that Christians would embrace the suffering of Christ so that we can relate to a world that suffers. I hope that we would walk outside and see the things that hurt people and HATE those things. Until that day comes, Christianity can die a lingering, painful death. It's no longer impacting lives, reaching the masses, or saving souls.